when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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