I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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