i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
