i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My pussy is not your playground.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
