a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
