Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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