I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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