I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
