i just sent this text using only my big toe
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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