I'm so fucking centered right now
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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