too bad you live with your parents still
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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