just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
