Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
