You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
