nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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