I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
