I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
