yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
