I cockslap morals
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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