I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize