return my video game
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
