I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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