i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
her vagine was all disorganized.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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