"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
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Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize