Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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