I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
