He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
