he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
