Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
