I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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