I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
