Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
