I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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