So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
