think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
