Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The uberlube is also flammable
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
