I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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