We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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