i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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