Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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