Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
