thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
