I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
