Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
