So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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