Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My pussy is not your playground.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
