I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
