And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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