the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
