Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
