ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
