my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
