I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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