At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
